How To Find A Good Husband Who Adores You

This post is all about the steps I took in my life that helped me learn how to find a husband that truly loves and adores me. I’m sharing with you my biggest secret for those wanting to find the RIGHT guy. Not just any guy.

We’ve all been there. Disappointed in previous relationships, and wondering when Mr. Right will step into your life. It sucks when you have a longing to get married, but you don’t want to jump into the serial dating scene only to be let down again.

There’s silver lining for you – you don’t have to serial date to find Mr. Right, and singleness doesn’t have to be a waiting room you’re stuck in until you get to your next destination (aka: Marriage). Here are my tips to finding Mr. Right while keeping your sanity.

This post is all about how to find a good husband who will adore you

Discover Who You Are

I want you to think about your hobbies, opinions, general likes or dislikes. as we’re covering the topic of how to find a good husband. Singleness is a great time to hone in on your needs, so you can figure out truly what you want in a spouse. While all of the recommendations in this post is important to consider, I would seriously put this one at the top of the list.

Honestly, how does one find the right person if you do not know who you are first? Give yourself space from the world around you, and take a step back from the people in your life who put expectations on you.

To learn about your opinions on certain subjects, ask yourself if you believe in something because you have come to the conclusion yourself, or are there external forces around you pushing you to be someone that maybe you’re not?

In regards to hobbies, I’m thankful I raced sailboats a lot when I was single and still in college because now that life is too busy for me to devote my time to this activity I still feel fulfilled. Don’t leave room for regret on what you want to do in life as well as distinguish your thoughts from the thoughts of others.

Know Your Core Principles

Learn what your core principles are and stick to them.

Core principles would be anything that is nonnegotiable for yourself and your future husband. An example of a nonnegotiable would be finding a husband who wants to make God the center of your relationship and engage in Biblical conversations without restraint. Other examples may include choosing not to have children or wanting to be a stay-at-home mom.
Write down what you desire for your future and be convicted to stand by them if it is truly what you want. If you meet a man who doesn’t want to have kids and it is on your heart to be a mother one day then don’t pursue a relationship with said person. You’re guaranteeing yourself a fight / heartache down the road the day you want to start having kids and he still doesn’t.

Know What You Don’t Want In A Relationship

Taking a step back to look at a past relationship was the best thing I could have done in knowing what not to repeat in the future. When you write down the undesirable traits that you didn’t like from your previous relationships, you put it on your radar to avoid these characteristics in the next relationship.

I’ll give you an example: Let’s say you had an ex-boyfriend who bickered with you in public and this would turn your face cherry red. You prefer disagreements to be private. You can put on your list that you don’t want a man who be so public over quarrels, and you want someone who can save these conversations for private.

Separate Your Wants From Your Needs

Hopefully, you have a good list going with your core principles and what you don’t want in a relationship. Now that we have a running list going, we want to separate what characteristics and traits belong on our ‘wants’ list as well as our ‘needs’ list. We can accidentally get our wants confused with our needs. Some women will say “must be tall, dark and handsome” over “a man who follows the Lord, respects me, loves me as I am, and wants to be a team player”.
Acknolwedge what is negotiable for you when meeting a husband. One example of what can be a negotiable ‘want’ would be finding a man who is over 6 feet tall. Be willing to consider men who are shorter than this standard if they meet all of your core principles.

Acknowledge Your Worth

Incredible, amazing women get stuck in unhealthy relationships for years who internally just don’t believe they are worth so much more! Beautiful, amazing women can be tied to abusive relationships for many different reasons. One of them can be forgetting their worth and that they deserve to be safe.

If you have been or are in an unhealthy relationship, seek help to take the steps to either heal from your previous experiences or get out of your current relationship. I will tell you that you have every right be feel safe and loved. Ladies, you deserve to be with a man who absolutely adores you and cherishes you! If you feel you need help taking steps to get out of this, immediately contact the National Domestic Violence hotline: 800-799-7233.

Don’t Marry A Man You Plan To Change (Even If You Think It’s For His Own Good)

You met a good man who doesn’t share all of your values and you have some major differences, but he’s KIND OF the man you want him to be. So you decide you’ll have patience and eventually he’ll come around to your way of thinking. Ladies, please don’t do this! This is a major red flag as this isn’t fair to the guy or you at all. When you marry someone, the words ‘I Do’ is not a magical spell that makes the person become who you want them to be the next day or even in a few years. Sometimes for a person to change a learned behavior it it can take years or they very well may stay the same forever. If you take it upon yourself to make this boy into the man you want him to be then resentment can seep into your the marriage. Resentment from you fighting to make him what you want him to be and him being tired of being nick-picked and nagged at all the time. Don’t marry someone you plan to change after marriage.

Location, Location, Location

If you want a Godly man who is seeking for a committed relationship then don’t go searching for him at the bar. If you’re looking for a job opportunity you go to a job fair or you go to LinkedIn. If you’re looking for a Christian man you go to church, friend groups, events, or even online Christian dating. Yes, it goes without saying that the Lord can put a Godly man in your life in all kinds of ways. We still want to remain diligent and not go searching for Mr. Right in all the wrong places.

Find A Man Who Can Handle Conflict Appropriately

If there’s one thing I can guarantee you in your marriage it is that you will fight. You’ll both have bad days and that’s okay as it is only natural. You’re two humans joining your lives together. You’ll have an argument that you both can’t agree on, but it’s how you communicate in those moments that sets the tone of your marriage. Early on in our dating days I valued my husband’s patience and level headed nature even in the most frustrating of disagreements. We valued finding a peaceful solution over shutting each other out or getting angry because we weren’t in agreement. Is the man you’re considering lose his head big time whenever you have even the smallest of disagreements? That person may have some growing to do before they’re emotionally ready for marriage.

Choose To Be Alone & Single Over Married & Miserable

Honey, life is too short for you to be chained to a man who doesn’t value you or share the same life goals as you. Take the necessary steps to first become happy with yourself before letting a man into your life. Realize that singleness is NOT a waiting room you’re stuck in until the marriage train comes to your station. Singleness is a gift. A time where you get to date yourself to learn who you are in God’s will and what you believe God wants for your life. Choose singleness over tying the knot with a man who has different life goals than you. Choose singleness over being with a man who doesn’t honor and cherish you. Most importantly choose singleness because you know you’re WORTH feeling safe, respected, and honored.

Find A Husband Who Will Be A Good Father

If you want to have children, then it goes without saying that you want to look for someone who will be a great parent to children. You’re not just picking your future husband, but you’re deciding who will be raising your future kids. One aspect of him being a good father is teaching his children how a wife should be properly treated by their spouse.

What If You Think You Found The One, but You’re Not 100% Sure?

Marriage is meant to be for life, so taking that leap of faith can be super scary! When my husband and I were dating, he asked me if I would be willing to do a relationship workbook. I was enthusiastic to start, of course, and said yes! These are the workbooks my husband and I used when we were dating and I highly, HIGHLY recommend them! There are his and her workbooks and then I recommend you get the Audible version for the main book that walks you through the exercises. This book made my husband, and I ask questions that would otherwise be difficult to bring up in everyday conversation.

I had push back from my peers when they found out my boyfriend at the time wanted to do a pre-marriage workbook. However, they came around and later said they wish they had done the same thing when they were first dating their spouse!

Workbooks like ‘Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts’ helps in the following ways:

1.) Helps you determine if you’re compatible with the person you’re dating. The goal isn’t to force each other down the aisle, but to determine if marrying this person is even a good choice to begin with. You’ll be pushed to talk about topic you otherwise may be avoiding. You just might discover your prince charming is actually a bullet you need to doge.

2.) A relationship workbook just might make your first year of marriage a little easier. If I were to compare my husband and I’s communication now to our first year as newlyweds, then I would definitely describe our first year as rough. However, what was considered ‘rough’ to us vs. other people’s first year of marriage is not the same.

Our first year of marriage went relatively smooth because we already were building a foundation of communication and appropriately set expectations when we were dating. I give credit to my husband who recommended the workbooks that helped us set us up for a successful marriage.

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